suchmiracles | IC; Deerington Inbox

With what's happening to me
With what could happen if I lose control

I can see why Sodder might have thought it useful, in that case. maybe taking away your powers for a little while might prevent them from getting worse

[ A brief pause between messages as he considers whether to tell her about something he's still a little ashamed about, but she's been so honest and vulnerable, he can't withhold it. ]

in October I was taken over by something here, a sort of madness that the dream created. I ended up killing myself by teleporting too much, then attempting to teleport into the sky

when I came back, I was so afraid of that happening again, being controlled and unable to stop myself teleporting, that I asked Sodder for help
she gave me an inhibitor collar. we have them in my world, they're often used by our enemies to stop our powers when they want to control us, but sometimes we use them ourselves to help when our own abilities become too much

so I can understand what you're going through, Jean. a little. there's no shame in being afraid, Liebling. or wanting to take back that control for yourself

[ It's a very real and vulnerable moment for the both of them to show fears and insecurities and things that neither of them are proud or even so willing to talk about. But that's simply what friends are for, aren't they? And she feels her heart bleed for him with wanting to stop himself. With doing whatever it took to see to it he was under control. ]

I kill the professor, Kurt.
I kill Scott and so many others when I leave here.
I can't let that happen here
even if death isn't a permanent thing.
I can't do that to any of you or anyone here.

[ That's a tough burden to carry. Kurt knows little about his own future, but he can't imagine having that knowledge, that inevitable loss hanging over him. ]

I know Jean
what I said before still stands, we will keep you safe

if you need someone to be there when you take this thing I can be there

Logan said that it doesn't have to be like that.
That there's a timeline where I don't lose control.
Knowing what I do now, I want to try and take that control for myself
but I need this antidote in case I can't do it.
So I can be stopped before I hurt any of you.

[ So she doesn't have to force any of them to kill her. ]

IC; Deerington Inbox

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