suchmiracles | IC; Deerington Inbox

[ As soon as he sees it's a message from Fern, Kurt immediately puts aside what he's doing. He's been trying to give him a little space, but that thread of concern about him hasn't gone away. And this message doesn't help with that. ]

how do you think you screwed things up?
I'm glad you're feeling better though

[Auuuugh he tries again, several times, before he figures out how to get this all out.]

ok so we talked
and it went ok
i thought it went pretty great actually
and i said some stuff
and he said some stuff
and we both thought we were talking about the same thing, but we weren't
we reeeeaaaally weren't

then he told me he's dating someone i hate
i kind of freaked out
really really badly

but we killed a monster together and that was ok?
we talked some more and i don't even know what's going on anymore
he said he needs some time
i guess his world is really donked because he always thought girls were his only option
which is really really weird to me
i don't know
i think we're still friends

[ He has to read it all through a couple of times. This.. raises some questions. And answers some others. ]

but
you want to be more than friends with him?

yeah
which is stupid because i'm grass and it's not like plants have relationships with people or even other plants
but yeah

Fern, I have friends and students back home who are like you and they have dated people. one of them is married. don't let other people dictate who you are allowed to love

do you think you can still be friends with him if he's dating Ruby? [ He's guessed that much, hopefully correctly. ]

[He really needs to figure out how to internalize that sentiment. There are probably grass people back home who are in relationships....]

i don't know
i still want to be there for him

but he said he needs time to think about stuff, that's good right?

why does it have to be her?
this isn't fair

it's good that he wants to take time to think about things

but if you really want to be his friend it's important to respect what he wants as well
he might want to stay with Ruby

i know
i'm really scared that he will

i thought i was doing the right thing for once
feeling the right thing for once
i'm sick of my feelings always being wrong
i don't want to be a failure again

fern, you did do the right thing in being honest with him
and with yourself

but doing the right thing doesn't always mean things turn out exactly the way we want. that doesn't mean you shouldn't do the right thing
sometimes it means putting someone else first, even if you don't get what you want, because you love them and want them to be happy

but your feelings aren't wrong, at all
love is never a bad or wrong thing to feel. the opposite in fact. it's the best and brightest force in the universe.

he said that too, but it doesn't feel like i did the right thing
all i'm doing is hurting him
and if he wants to be with her then all i've done is hurt him AND myself

how is any of that good?

it's good because it's being true to yourself. trying to suppress and hide these sorts of feelings will just hurt more and might end up damaging your friendship even more.

as long as Varian is honest with you too, then you can work through this together

[ Though Kurt's privately starting to wish you had picked someone better, Fern. ]

[Sorry Kurt, apparently there is something magnetizing about a fellow disaster.]

my mental vault's always worked out before

yeah right
he's going to stick with Ruby and prove i can't do anything right
i might as well just start repressing everything right now

[ There's a decent pause before Kurt answers. He feels responsible for Fern, but he knows from long experience that it's important to let teenagers make their own choices -- and their own mistakes. ]

I'm not going to stop you from doing what you think you need to do, Fern
but I'm here for you if you want to talk about it at all, no matter where or when

[Unfortunately, it's a consideration Fern is taking seriously. Not having feelings at all is easier than trying to struggle through them.]

even in the middle of the night?

absolutely. I don't really sleep for very long these days anyway.

that doesn't sound healthy
but thanks

IC; Deerington Inbox

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