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Given the option, Wrench watches with sharp green eyes. Having Kurt beside him provides a kind of relief from the anxiety of only being able to guess the man's next aim as he worked at his back. Now he keeps his companion in his line of sight as he moves with practiced efficiency about the tools. Watching the way he works the medical scissors, Wrench can't help but think how much of what seems normal to him was not designed with the man in mind. He's used to feeling like an outsider, but he sees now Kurt's need for adaptation. The way the other man has learned to utilize the tools that do little to make his job even easier. He's underestimated the man, he realizes again. Not because he's thought him any less capable, but because he hasn't wanted to let his mind play over explanations of how Kurt has come by his talents. What circumstances in life have conspired to make him so good at dressing wounds or protecting himself from danger.

He finds the end of the tail again under his fingers, and Wrench lets his curious hand fascinate over its texture. The tugging of the skin on his upper arm is enough to make him sick, but he shifts his focus to what else is tangible. The warmth of the other man leaned over him, the sturdiness of the boots on his feet, the scent of juniper and antiseptic under his nose, and Kurt's tail still moving gently under his fingers. Wrench holds the air in his throat so tightly he quiets any sound of his discomfort. Any will to grumble or complain gets stuck there, deep beneath the knot of breath waiting to be exhaled. By the end his whole arm is shaking, and the fingers that hold Kurt tremble against that appendage, but he smiles thinly and nods his head at the question.

"Okay," he mouths, and wipes tiredly at his face before reaching for the glass of gin. Wrench thinks of the tenderness inherent in the brutality. The will of them left to put one another back together again. Born out of necessity, maybe, but there's trust here too. Both he and Kurt could have turned each other away. Instead they've found it within themselves to lean in closer. To hold on that much more firmly. Mop up each other's blood, piece skin back together. Wrench shudders over his next breath and reaches for his companion's hand. Drawing it close, Wrench holds it between both of his hands a moment before settling Kurt's fingers in the space over his heart.

There's a heaviness to Wrench's silence, a tension running between his shoulders and caught in the lines on his brow and the corners of his eyes. As he brushes the antiseptic wipe over his skin, Kurt realises he can read that rigid quiet almost as easily as he can read the alphabet signs sketched out by the man's hands. The shivers that travel through Wrench's limbs are not, therefore, unexpected, the release of that held tension. Kurt finds himself wondering how often he's had to hold himself so tightly, withholding the noise and twitch of pain, whether it's a learned or instinctive response to vulnerability.

When Wrench reaches for his hand, Kurt gives it up willingly, letting his ministrations fall aside for the moment. He watches Wrench's face as his fingers are folded between warm wide palms, then pressed against soft skin and hard, working muscle. The surge of Wrench's breath fills Kurt's palm, or perhaps his hand flattens instinctively, large blunt fingers spanning across Wrench's chest. He glances down and sees dark indigo against pale. Feels the pulse and tide of him against the pads of his fingers and his palm. For a blink of time he feels, as he always does in moments like this, the full impact of that other-worldliness, the strangeness he's lived with for over thirty years, and almost pulls away, not wanting Wrench to see it as well. But Wrench's touch is light on his wrist, light as a feather, and it's enough to hold him there.

He drags his eyes back up to Wrench's face, to those eyes full of the sun in the forest, remembering the feel of the man's fingertips moving over the spade of his tail. At some point he's dropped the medicated fabric he'd been using onto the floor; he brings his other hand up to touch Wrench's cheek, brushing it softly, reverently, with the backs of his fingers.

"Liebe," he breathes, and leans forward so he doesn't have to say anything else, capturing Wrench's mouth with his.

Kurt's hand is a warm weight on Wrench's chest. An anchor, holding him firmly to two disparate realities: that the place he's found himself within is very much real, and that he -- for all his fears and anxieties -- is not so alone after all. He's consciously aware of his own heartbeat, and the way it thuds against his ribcage is enough to rattle him with every beat. Wrench doesn't feel like he's made up of quite enough substance. This place has chipped away at him and he can't quite figure the dimensions of his own hunger, his pain, and his lightheadedness. But he feels Kurt's hand on him and knows the other man feels the beat of life beneath his fingers. That they're both real and solid and bound not just by circumstance, but by will.

It would've been easy for Kurt to turn him out, or for Wrench to have walked away. Neither man had expected to find the other in this place. This isn't what either of them had been looking for. But they must have both realized that they needed it somehow, in their own ways. Not just the efficient hands checking bandages and cleansing fresh wounds, but the quiet moments reading and playing cards. The easy way Kurt's feet have found his lap, like a silent reminder that he's seen and wanted nearby. The quiet domesticity of scrounging up what they have to make a breakfast plate. Being seen, being a part of someone else's quiet movement through this strange and impossible world.

Wrench isn't surprised that Kurt is bolder, but he's relieved. Relieved to taste something on his lips that isn't gin, and to know the other man feels something like what he's not sure he could fashion into words even if they shared a comfortable language with which to do it. He kisses him back, deep with a need that grumbles quietly into the other man's mouth. Wrench reaches an arm around him and urges him into his lap.

Wrench tastes like pine needles and juniper, the remnants of Logan's gin. A far distant part of Kurt's mind notes how fitting that is, the product of the man whose death brought them together, and wonders what Logan would say to see them. Laugh, probably, and tell them to take it out of the kitchen. The rest of Kurt is occupied by the warmth of Wrench's body, the thud of his heartbeat beneath his palm, the rumble of his groan that seems to resonate through Kurt's chest.

He feels the weight of Wrench's arm thrown around him and makes a small noise of agreement and desire, climbing easily from his chair and into the solidity of Wrench's lap, both of his hands occupied now with sliding down over the other man's sides, the urgent need to touch as much of him as possible building in his stomach and his hips and his heart.

It feels close to grief, the other side of that dark coin. After so long, so many deaths, it's almost familiar, the need to prove that he's still alive, that they're both still alive, even if it's not clear what that means any more. In other times he's submerged the weight of it in prayer, or running Danger Room sessions until his arms won't support him any more and, once or twice, in the arms of a friend. But even the familiarity of it only gets him so far; in everything else, Wrench is an untamed sea, an unexplored map that he longs, suddenly, to know.

A part of him still expects that Kurt might not come to him so easily. Even as he grips at him, Wrench fears that too sudden a movement might knock this all out of kilter. Perhaps the other man will realize what he's doing, catch himself, and seek to part them. It makes his touch erratic, wanting all at once to hold onto the man with enough strength to make him stay, and treat him as delicately as a butterfly on an outstretched finger. When Kurt settles against him Wrench sighs into his mouth, and finds himself overcome with enough of a smile that he has to pull back briefly.

He thinks he can see it now in the other man's eyes, the weight of his wanting. Maybe they're both just chasing ghosts. Maybe he reminds Kurt of someone else, or maybe he just means to chase the cobwebs of wanting out of the hollow spaces around his heart. Wrench wonders briefly if he shouldn't stop this. If it's not his responsibility to warn the man of the things he couldn't know. Things he obviously hasn't predicted. But he can't stand the thought of how the tides would shift in those golden eyes. Wrench doesn't want to be the one to bring the darkness back in. Kurt told him this place could be his second chance, and he wants to believe that. He wants to think it may be possible after all.

Kurt's cheek is warm and soft in his hands, and Wrench realizes he'd still been expecting a different texture to his skin somehow. It's a delighting surprise, and he passes his thumb over the man's lips before trailing his own along the side of his neck, nibbling down to the hollow at his collarbone. He presses his nose there and breathes in deeply of the lather of body soap. His hands know no tender way of shaping his request, so instead he leaves it hanging in the air like an open request, to be taken and molded according to the other man's will: I want you.

Kurt allows himself to be parted from that kiss with not a little regret, finding himself washed up and wanting on the shore of Wrench's thoughtfulness. Even as he's pleased to see the smile chase across the man's mouth he longs to taste it instead, and has to hold himself back, tail stirring the humid evening air, as Wrench's thumb strokes the fur of his cheek. As easy as the man's expressions are to read, his eyes hold something unfathomable, a shadow that Kurt finds himself wanting to chase away.

Feet hooked on the rungs of the chair, Kurt spans Wrench's hips with his hands and shivers, making soft helpless noises, as the other man buries his face against him, his breath hot in Kurt's fur. Thoughts of the theoretical and metaphysical are, for the moment, discarded, everything narrowed down to the way the man under him feels and what he wants him to feel in return.

Wrench's words are a double handful of air. Craving the substantial, Kurt catches one of those hands and brings his fingertips to his mouth, tongue darting out from behind pointed teeth to taste them, following it with his lips, stringing kisses like beads down into his palm, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the knotted white lines of a scar there before closing his eyes and pressing his mouth to it in benediction.

To be seen like this should hurt or shame him. Kurt's clever interest seems, time and time again, to find every bit of himself that Wrench would sooner hide. He feels raw and exposed to the man stretched above him, reaching toward him and gathering him up into his hands. But Wrench finds no need for explanation. No question that begs immediacy in the eyes or the touch of the other man. And while he's sure his scars deserve no amount of forgiveness, he feels it in the soft pressure of the man's pursed lips and the leathery expanse of his touch.

He finds himself stirred to a hungry desire to see and touch and taste the other man in kind. To lay him bare and understand all the ways that life has shaped him, and all the things that Wrench might be able to pull from him with the right attention. He wants to play him like an instrument. Stretch him out and run his fingers across the slope of his spine and the curve of his hips until Kurt's breath sings from his chest for him and they both have to beg each other's mercy.

That giddy impatience rises in him, and Wrench takes back his hands to sling under the man's knees, until he rises from the chair and lifts Kurt all in one easy go. Not for the first time he thinks of how light the other man seems. How easy he might just slip away. Wrench knows the steps to the furnished bedroom now by heart, and he wastes no time taking them there, until he can deposit the other man onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs.

There are some things that Kurt's body knows how to do better than his mind or heart. How to leap and catch a trapeze as it swings towards him, for instance; how to transfer a sword from hand to tail and use it to meet an opponent's attack. How to disappear in a cloud of roiling smoke and a snap of rapidly displaced air. In all cases, it is a matter of trust, of giving himself up to that breath-stopping instinct. His life has depended on and been saved by that trust many times. But there are smaller moments, too, quieter moments, when he allows the animal that drives him to take over, though they are often no less giddy than falling from the height of the big top.

As Wrench's hands span and grip beneath his legs, Kurt allows himself to be lifted up, folding around the taller man with arms and ankles crossed behind him and tail sliding around his leg. He kisses and licks his way up the side of Wrench's neck, tasting salt sweat as the points of his fangs graze over his skin.

He's not surprised to end up in the bedroom again. Being dropped into the rumpled blankets twinges his newly wrapped injuries, but he ignores the pain in order to tug Wrench closer with loops of his tail and outstretched hand, eager to leave no room for hurt and regret between them.

It isn't the first time he's shared this bed with Kurt, though before now Wrench has always given space to the ghosts that haunt the memory of the quiet little room. He thinks he knows them now by all their names, though the specific weight and shape they hold is a thing yet to be discovered. Wrench is not unaware of the space he treads when he stretches Kurt across the bedsheets for his benefit. But they stretch across the space to meet each other and he doesn't need to be told that this is different. Doesn't need to tell his eager-hearted companion that he knows he's no suitable replacement. He doesn't mean to be.

Wrench can't give back Kurt what he's missing. All he can provide is what he has on him: the tender concern, the earnest interest, and a wanting that sees the man before him and not simply the reflection of an internal void he means to dam up behind superficial walls. He's plenty more than a mere distraction. Wrench touches him now for no purpose but pleasure. Not to check wounds, correct a handshape, or insist his attention. The shape and weight of the body beneath his fingers is familiar, but he's never let himself dwell on it like this before. Never granted the fascination of his hands to explore the deep V of his pelvic bone, or the pattern of swooping fur around his belly button. Wrench finds those gentle patches of looping coils where the hair grows from and he snickers to himself.

He hides his lips just beneath Kurt's navel and gnashes his teeth playfully as he reaches for the waistband of his pants.

Though it might be surprising for some to learn it, Kurt doesn't always find it easy to allow himself to be appreciated. A consummate showman he might be, but it's a part of himself he can, at least, control. The costumes, the poses, the artifice of the act are things he learned as a child to disguise himself against uncaring eyes, and the compulsion to fall back on them is strong. The mask of the player may allow him to walk the stage, but it's a mask nonetheless. To allow himself to be seen and touched, nothing except air between his body and another person, still causes a small thrill of fear, like insense smoke, to rise up inside him. That small part of him that was born in Jardine's cage and on the wet cobbles of Willendorf will always be waiting for the flinch of disgust, the hand that stops exploring and pulls away. Over time, through experiences of loving and being loved, it's become easier to ignore that voice. But it remains, and so Kurt takes a breath to steady himself as Wrench lowers himself over his body, grateful once more that the tall man seems to want no excuse to stop.

Trust and gratitude. The mingled song of both rises and falls between Kurt's heartbeats like a mantra, or a prayer.

Kurt lies back on the sheets and lets himself ease into that refrain, letting himself relax as Wrench's fingertips brush channels through his fur. His breath catches as Wrench's hand dips lower, his tail winding around to allow the tip to dance down Wrench's back, the space between heartbeats becoming too close for meditations.

Eyes heavy-lidded and glowing like pumpkin candles, he reaches out to run his fingers through Wrench's curls, lifting his hips a little in encouragement. He's already hard enough to round out the front of the flannel pyjama pants, aching to feel the heat of Wrench's breath and tongue beneath them.

Please, he signs, fingers brushing lazily through the fur on his chest.

It wasn't so long ago that Wrench held a blade concealed against his gut as he examined Kurt against the backdrop of the withered church, wondering at once if he was a demon or a danger. He thinks of the men he's judged and the men he's never given a second thought to and spares a moment wondering after the life he left behind. Wondering, for a time, what Kurt saw when Wrench first darkened the sidewalk before him. What he sees now, and how much of it obscures the kinds of things he wouldn't tolerate. One man's difference is apparent. It sets him apart in ways that cannot be avoided or diminished. But Wrench thinks it's Kurt who would feel disgust if only he knew what the hands that touch him now have done before.

Briefly, he wonders if he should warn the other man. But when Kurt clasps him, he finds himself falling in all over again. Losing himself in his vision of what his companion must see. Perhaps just an empty canvas of limitless potential, but how long has it been since anyone's looked at him and seen a future of any kind?

When Kurt's hands plead for him, Wrench feels every bit of his resolve fracturing. The hollow shell he's tried to shape himself within, to keep out any semblance of the humanity of the man lurking beneath. The shield from the vastness of his own fear and pain. It all crumbles, and Wrench feels it tumbling out. He feels laid raw in his own vulnerability, reaching out for Kurt for a soft place to land even as he drags him closer. This is what he wants more than anything: to find himself wanted. To be -- even if only for a moment -- someone's necessity.

There's no ceremony in the way his fingers take Kurt's waistband and drag it down his hips, shorts and all. It's a hunger to be free of everything that stands between them. To find the younger man, warm and waiting, poised in his own eagerness for Wrench. He doesn't make him wait. Instead he takes Kurt's length in his crooked fingers and buries his lips just above the bandages.

There's a languid, indulgent pleasure in being wanted. Kurt looks down his body at Wrench and sees it in his expression, his heart still vibrating from the sight of his hands shaping the words. The intensity of it is both surprising and not, feeling more like something that has been waiting between them since the sunny afternoon on the park bench, when Wrench's knees had bumped his and they had first ventured together into a consideration of second chances. And as much as Wrench wants him, he finds himself echoing it, his body savouring the sweep of the other man's hands, drinking in the sight of the muscles moving along his shoulders and the red tips of his ears.

Kurt's breath hitches in his chest as fabric slides down his hips, helped by a loop of his tail and kicked off onto the floor. He shudders, his head falling back against the bed as Wrench slides his hand around him, rolling his hips to push himself up into that smooth warm palm. The kisses in the fur of his belly are islands of heat, not unlike earlier pain, but far sweeter.

"Ah, Bitte," he sighs as Wrench strokes him, unable to stop himself moving with each motion, his knees rising up so he can set his feet against the waistband of Wrench's jeans. His tail follows, looping around Wrench's thigh and sliding up between his legs, pressing against him there.

The wanting is not so easily separated from the curiosity when Wrench longs to spread his attention over the planes of Kurt's body. He's considered without touch the hollows and valleys as he's wound bandages, offered himself as a footstool, and served as a willing and warming bedfellow to the other man. His mind has delighted and confounded itself with interest and envy of the way Kurt carries himself, even when hurt. The careful balancing act not just on the backs of Logan's kitchen chairs, but as he navigates their circumstance as well. Curiosity for Wrench runs far deeper than the planes of blue, the arc and sway of a prehensile tail, and the leathery pads of his three fingers. He still wonders why Kurt gave him a chance those days ago. Why he's invited him to stay here, in the absence of the man he mourns. And how much forgiveness he truly has the capacity to impart.

After night spent pressing his flattened palm to Kurt's heart and trying to capture each soft reverberation, the life he holds in his warm palm now makes him quake with excitement. This is Wrench's selfishness, to hold the man against him and feel every bit of what he can inspire from his prone body. He knows how to hold men on the edge of their own terror, how to make them realize their vulnerability in front of him. Some of those skills prove transferrable. He wants Kurt to give himself over, to release his guard into Wrench's body. And he wants to feel the man driven to the point where it becomes instinct. Where it's almost too difficult not to simply let go.

He strokes Kurt in his palm and thumbs slow circles around the tip of his cock, gazing up the length of his bandaged torso to watch his reaction through long lashes. It's a teasing touch, like Wrench might gladly spend the rest of the night right here, watching the impatient rock and shift of his companion's hips. But when he feels that tail reach between his own legs he shudders and clasps the man at his flanks, pinning him down to bury his face between Kurt's thighs and slick his length with his warm spit.

Wrench's teasing is excruciating, each practised slide of his hand sending ripples of pleasure outward from Kurt's core. His body thrums with it, impatient for something other than pain and grief and muscles locked up with tension. Kurt is only too happy to let himself feel every second, doing his best to put aside the darkness of the last few days for the way the bed creaks under him and sun warmed skin sliding against the insides of his thighs, holding the moment and letting it go with each shuddering breath.

Logan, he thinks, would understand.

The soft keening noises he's barely conscious of making are interrupted by a stuttering groan as Wrench takes him into his mouth, hot and wet and unexpected, his leaning weight preventing Kurt from rocking his hips up to meet him so instead he comes up on his elbows and arches his spine, tail shivering and toes digging in to Wrench's sides.

As Wrench settles into a rhythm he's able to lift his head and look down at the other man, the sight of him between his dark-furred legs is almost enough to push him over that inevitable edge. Instead, he reaches out and brushes his palm over Wrench's cheek, eyes wide and wet with thankfulness, then buries his fingers in those rust-gold curls; not quite holding him, allowing him to set his own pace, but wanting that connection.

It's a connection Wrench longs for, too. Holding Kurt here at the edge of his own pleasure is a dizzying honor. He wants to snuff his nose and lap him up, to taste and smell and feel every bit of his mounting desire for release. The hand in his hair makes him twist his head, hoping to inspire that touch to take root in honest. Wrench wants those wide fingers to grasp the tender coils of his hair and give a tug. He wants Kurt's agony before he drives him to his pleasure.

When he feels the man coiling and twisting to find a better way of meeting him in his mouth, Wrench withdraws. His smile is too clever a thing to carry the false way he quirks his brow and stares up the length of his partner's torso, as if seeking his confirmation. It's a delight that pools in his own belly and makes him feel warm and relaxed and entirely in control. Maybe for the first time ever since coming to this place. But Wrench relishes the bucking trembles, and Kurt's earnest and impatient expression, so Wrench flicks his tongue at the underside of Kurt's cock and lets his breath sigh over the tortured organ. His hand spreads over his partner's chest, keeping him close enough to feel the signs of delight or mounting frustration.

He wants Kurt to forget everything outside this room. Everything that doesn't exist in the moment of their shared breath and their bodies joined together. Wrench wants to make that moment stretch, like a promise in a dream. To hold them both there until Kurt's pleas are for nothing in the world but his own pleasure. Only then does he take him back into his warm mouth to shower him with the attention he craves.

Kurt is no stranger to being held like this. Even outside of the bedroom, he has a habit of skating along the edge of risk and reward, always one cross-dimensional jump away from salvation or failure and more than willing to take that chance. With the X-Men it was easy to get away with it, a certain amount of risk taking being part of the job, but he'd still gained a reputation for leading with his heart instead of his head, throwing himself into the midst of things for the sheer thrill of being able to do so as often as for the sake of the mission. Scott had upbraided him for it more than once, not helped by Logan's knowing smiles in the shadows behind him. Still, he couldn't stop himself. The feeling of weightlessness as the trapeze bar slides out from one's fingertips, a split-second leap of faith; the knowledge of the blades hidden behind a hand pressed to his throat. It's the feeling of being alive, the single high note of sheer existence, weighted in heartbeats and hot breaths against the insides of his thighs.

It's decadent, addictive, sinful. It's what he gave up Heaven for.

Now, though, all he knows is that he wants more of it. Wrench's tongue and fingertips in his fur, the leaning weight of him, the look of satisfaction in his expression as he dips his head down. Kurt shudders and writhes, begging in a breathless stream of German as his grip tightens in Wrench's hair and he fights the urge to push his hips up to take what he'd rather be given, heat rolling through his body as the muscles in his thighs tighten.

With an effort, he forces himself away from giving in. Breathing hard, he drops his hand to Wrench's shoulder, the other touching the side of his face, asking for his attention as his tail loops around his hips.

"Please, ah.. no more, I can't.. come here, please." One-handed, he repeats Wrench's own words, I want you, before leaning down to press the sentiment, if not the words, against Wrench's mouth.

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