suchmiracles | IC; Deerington Inbox

[Varian has waffled for a while on broaching this with Kurt. He doesn't know if what he has to say will make the man feel better or worse over what happened. He knows, ultimately, that keeping it from him is probably the worst option. He's trying to be better with the open communication thing. ]

Hey. Are you around? There's something I need to talk to you about. It's probably an in-person kind of conversation.

I'm at Pixie's
are you okay?

I'm okay. It's not BAD? I don't think. I hope not? Just weird.

I'll be there soon, okay?

[He'll take Max. Most teens would be trying out their first car but why do that when you have a giant-ass warhorse to ride around on. Besides, Max gets weird when he leaves the house without him anyway. It's a whole new experience, being helicopter-parented by a horse.

Eventually, though, he makes it to Pixie's and convinces Max he really can't fit inside and it'll be fine and he's safe. The horse will remain patrolling outside as Varian enters- at least now he has his prosthetic leg so he can walk in, instead of hobbling on crutches. ]

...Kurt?

[ Most of Kurt's morning has been spent shovelling snow to make the sidewalk around Pixie's somewhat passable. The work has been useful in more ways than one, the physical exercise a good chance to avoid thinking about things too much. With the darkest months of the year hopefully behind them, he wants to move forward if he can.

He's sorting through a box of tapes behind the counter when Varian comes in. A quick glance up confirms his visitor, as well as the horse pacing outside. Kurt decides not to worry about the latter and offers the teenager a smile. ]

Hi, Varian. Are you well? [ Setting the cassettes aside, he moves around the counter to intercept him -- and put his arms around him in a quick, tight hug. ]

[He offers Kurt a smile in response. He's never been the biggest hugger in the world- but he does return it, albeit a little awkwardly. ]

I'm... pretty good.

[And that is, at least, an honest answer. He's not all the way okay yet, but he's getting there, and that's what's important.]

How about you? Have things settled a little?

[ Kurt withdraws with a slightly embarrassed expression. He's not sure why he's been doing that lately, only that it always feels right in the moment. He goes back to the counter and starts packing the tapes away to have something to do with his hands. ]

I think so. [ A mostly honest answer. ] This time of year.. it's easier and more difficult. I miss my friends. [ He doesn't elaborate on that, just shrugs lightly, then glances back over at Varian. ]

What did you want to talk about?

[At least Varian doesn't seem to mind. He's used to Rapunzel after all- she'll hug you just because she can't contain it any more. He smiles, movies to (a touch awkwardly) pull himself up onto a stool. ]

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess the holidays make you remember what you're missing, huh? It's going to be another Christmas without my dad which... kind of sucks.

[The last one being... well, amber and prison. He shifts a little uneasily.]

I...um. I found something out about what happened. With the whole leg thing. I don't know if it'll make it easier or worse for you... I really hope the former. Less blame on you, anyway.

[ Kurt's sympathetic look fades into something between concern and fear. He drags his gaze away from Varian, concentrating on the cassettes instead, and clears his throat before speaking. ]

What else is there to know?

[Varian actively winces at the change of expression. He's really not sure if this will help or hinder. But he knows he probably shouldn't keep it a secret. He plays with his hands, staring down at the counter.]

Ok. So I was talking to Martin Blackwood- Jon died around the same time as Fern [because Fern killed him and then fell apart] and Martin said he did this... sacrifice to lessen the death symptoms Jon was suffering. He'd also got amnesia and it worked? Martin lost his ability to feel emotions and Jon's amnesia was a lot less than it should have been.

[One hand moves to rub at the back of his neck.]

So... Fern's amnesia should have lasted three months. I've read up on it enough to know that. But it didn't it lasted one. And I can put two and two together to make four. I um- it's a possibility Sodder was pulling those strings in a very specific way. I didn't...like, ask for this because I'm not insane, but I did want to help Fern, more than anything. I think she took that as a go-ahead for what happened.

S...o, I think you were even less in control of that one than you might have thought. Also, Sodder is the worst, which I think we have already established.

[ Silent and still working slowly, Kurt listens to Varian's explanation, not giving any sign of being particularly affected by it until the teenager is done. Inside, his thoughts are churning around the possibility that what happened to him -- to them both -- is a product of some kind of outside influence besides that of Deerington alone.

After a moment, he carefully sets down the tapes and sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. ]

Thank you for telling me. It does.. [ His mouth twists in a wry smile that fades quickly. ] it feels strangely familiar to know that it was some kind of.. divine providence.

[The longer Kurt remains silent, the more nervous Varian feels. He's never been especially great with social cues and his morality spectrum is extremely spotty at best. What's the 'right thing' to do or not is largely based on guesswork and hoping he's got it right.

He relaxes, just a fraction as Kurt smiles, not quite a full one. There's still a tense worry to it. The last thing he wants is for Kurt to feel worse.]

Yeah? That's- I'm glad to hear it helps? I didn't know- [he hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck] I just wanted to ease some of the burden, if I could? And if that's what it is, I don't regret it. The price was worth it, you know?

[Getting Fern back was so very much worth it.]

[ Kurt ducks his head a little, hoping the mix of emotions he's feeling don't play out too clearly on his face. It is worth it, of course -- he loves Fern and would do anything to keep him safe and happy. But guilt and regret still nags at him; the knowledge that it might have meant his partners got hurt as well a bitter pill to swallow.

He tries to push it aside, sighing and straightening up to look at Varian. ]

It was. Gott, I just -- I wish it had been different. [ He rubs his jaw with his palm, thinking about Jean-Paul's advice about living with it. ] I don't enjoy hurting people. Even if it is for someone I care about. But.. it's done now. And I'm glad Fern is feeling better.

Yeah, trust me, if I could have picked an option that meant I didn't lose a leg, I would have taken it. But Sodder didn't give us that choice, so I guess we're going to have to live with what we got. And it brought Fern back.

[Which made it so very worth it. He hated watching Fern fumble over the chasm of lost memories in his mind- seeing how much it hurt him to not remember. But now he does, and things are so, so much better. The leg is an acceptable loss.

A tiny smile tugs at the corners of his lips.]

We talked, by the way. About the whole... feelings thing. We're- we're not really... doing a lot about it yet, we've both got a lot we have to deal with ourselves, so we're taking it easy. But um... yeah, we talked. And it was good. Getting that all out into the open.

[ That's not something Kurt expected to be hearing about. He looks over at Varian, eyebrows raised, then an answering smile breaks out on his face, pleased to have something good come out of this. ]

You did? Sehr gut. [ He lets out a breath, studying Varian a soft golden gaze. ] I'm glad he has you, Varian. He needs someone to.. understand him. More than I can offer him.

Yeah. I was... good. To be able to talk about it.

[It had been several months of repression. He's pretty pleased they managed to do it without setting themselves on fire or anything. He rubs the back of his neck, letting out a soft hum.]

I know. It's... it helps me, too, honestly. Not a lot of people get it. [Coming from a place of being an absolute monster- of wanting to be better than that.] We help each other a lot. I'm... uh. Really glad I got to meet him here.

[ Kurt's also glad they haven't managed to set anything on fire, knocking down any important structures or releasing any sorts of scientifically enhanced super-animals, or whatever else they might end up getting into given half the chance. But he's learning to trust Varian, as difficult as their initial encounters had been.

Smiling, he leans his hip against the counter, much more relaxed now they're on a more positive topic. ]

Well, let me know if you need any advice about managing more than one relationship. It can be.. difficult in some ways, but very rewarding. And lots of fun.

[Varian never makes it easy for anyone, the first time around. It's like learning to love some feral, rabid cryptid that crawls into your basement and spends the first month just hissing at you before it lets you pet it. He tends to have to grow on people.

Ah. His smile does fade a little though. ]

Oh, thank you but that's... not a thing, now. Ruby and I broke up. Not just because [he waves a hand in the air to try and encompass the everything going on that was his turbulent teenage existence] of the Fern thing. She was actually really understanding about that. More than she probably should have been.

[Because Ruby is ultimately a good person who'll shoulder everything that hurts her with a gentle "this is fine" which is where the breaks started to happen. They both had a tendency to shoulder too much and the weight of it was starting to crush them.]

We kinda realised we're better off as friends. We can support each other better like that, romance ebing added to the mix was making it... I think we were just hurting each other in tiny little ways and we didn't want that to turn into big ways further down the line.

[He picks at the bar a little, frowning. It has been his first relationship ever and while both he and Ruby were well aware it could never last forever, and that they did the best thing they could for one another- the loss still stung. He'd made two healthy life choices in a relatively short period of time and he's not sure how to feel about that.]

It was the right thing to do and I'm glad we can still be friends- and it feels... I don't know, good and sad at the same time? I guess we're just... figuring each other out again now. It's weird. I'm not great at people anyway, so. New stuff to learn. I guess.

[It's SUPER HARD being a teenager and he feels someone should have informed him of this. ]

IC; Deerington Inbox

text: un: trienemybest - sometime mid december before the event

no subject

text>action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject