suchmiracles | IC; Deerington Inbox

[Varian is a giant hypocrite in most things, but at least he's aware of it. He clears his throat.]

Um- aside from... this. Obviously. Still... uh, working on this.

[And the Grass Demon thing. At his question about Ruby, Varian's gaze drops to the table.]

I really, really try to. Sometimes... well, a lot of the time I think she's too good of a person for me. [He realises how that sounded and quickly raises his hands, looking up.] N-not that I'm saying Fern isn't a good person or... anything. We've just... well, Fern and I have done some pretty horrible stuff in the past and we're trying to be better for it. We're on the same level.

[His gaze drops again.]

I'm a little afraid I'm dragging Ruby down. Especially after all that mess in July. She's got a lot of faith in people and I'm worried I just hurt her these days. I still try to look out for her all I can but she's seen the person I used to be now. I don't think I'm the person she thought I was.

[She wasn't afraid of him before, and learning that has left an ugly mark on his heart. He knows she doesn't want to feel that way, but she does and he doesn't know how to fix that. He doesn't know if it can be fixed, which is the most heartbreaking fact of all. ]

I still love her, and I want to do right by her. As much as I can.

[ All of this sounds very familiar to Kurt, and not just because he's helped counsel teenagers for years. He's been on both sides of that difficult conversation. It's strange, he muses, how things don't change. ]

That's a good instinct, Varian. But you have to trust her -- trust both of them -- to know what they want as well. Ruby is with you because she wants to be with you. If she chooses that again now, knowing what she knows, then that is her choice to make.

[He knows Kurt is right. And he knows he has to have faith in Ruby's choices. It would be dismissive of her if he didn't. The self-loathing monster at the back of his head makes that difficult sometimes, though. He finally picks up his fork- he's still just kind of...shoves his food around, but it's a step forward.]

...Yeah. I know. And I'm really glad she did, even if I don't understand it half the time, I trust that she does.

Good. [ Kurt offers the teenager a gentle smile and picks up his coffee. ]

I think that I'm on my way to forgiving you for throwing a sticky bomb at me.

[Aww, Kurt. That pulls a little smile out of him.]

Hah. Good. I'm glad for... uh. Glad for that anyway.

IC; Deerington Inbox

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