[Varian is a giant hypocrite in most things, but at least he's aware of it. He clears his throat.]

Um- aside from... this. Obviously. Still... uh, working on this.

[And the Grass Demon thing. At his question about Ruby, Varian's gaze drops to the table.]

I really, really try to. Sometimes... well, a lot of the time I think she's too good of a person for me. [He realises how that sounded and quickly raises his hands, looking up.] N-not that I'm saying Fern isn't a good person or... anything. We've just... well, Fern and I have done some pretty horrible stuff in the past and we're trying to be better for it. We're on the same level.

[His gaze drops again.]

I'm a little afraid I'm dragging Ruby down. Especially after all that mess in July. She's got a lot of faith in people and I'm worried I just hurt her these days. I still try to look out for her all I can but she's seen the person I used to be now. I don't think I'm the person she thought I was.

[She wasn't afraid of him before, and learning that has left an ugly mark on his heart. He knows she doesn't want to feel that way, but she does and he doesn't know how to fix that. He doesn't know if it can be fixed, which is the most heartbreaking fact of all. ]

I still love her, and I want to do right by her. As much as I can.